You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
