are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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