WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
