I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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