um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sorry about my life...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
