So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
