I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
