im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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