i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
