shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
