I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Damn victory sex feels great
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
