I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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