Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
