ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
