so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
