so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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