Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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