Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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