I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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