Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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