R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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