We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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