dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
