I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
