There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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