id be glad to
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
