He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
