I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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