I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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