so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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