Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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