Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
