Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
its not stalking. its research.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
