But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
