i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Alive.
So much puke
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
