very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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