I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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