I am puke
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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