we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
