Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
