I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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