At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
