Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
