he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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