So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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