I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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