i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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