my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
