he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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