I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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